The loss

“To love someone is firstly to confess: I'm prepared to be devastated by you.”

 - Billy-Ray Belcourt

She had a wide, captivating smile, small hair, moderate height and a soothing, soft voice. At least, it was softer than that of most of the girls he knew. She was a flag bearer in a rival house, at the annual march past, while he was a mere marcher. It wasn’t that he was not good, but he just wasn’t the one to lead a march past. That’s at least how he comforted himself about the situation. Although he had known who she was since the beginning of that school year, she had no idea who this guy was and why he was staring at her. He had always been very shy to approach, and being in a totally different section did not help either.

That’s the thing with school crushes, it’s more often one-sided than not. He felt as if he had the right to like a girl without her knowledge, but was considerate enough about the opinions girls possessed about guys. Rather, it can actually be said he was quite impression conscious throughout his school life.

Her house’s commander was absent that day. This meant, the flag bearer had to give the commands. Her voice was so soft that it seemed funny to him that she was even trying to shout. But voice is one of the most powerful weapons of love. That moment, when she gave the command, something struck a chord somewhere. He felt a sensation pass through his arteries, some energy, some urge which he had felt only once before, because of his friend and crush who was too far away from him now.

That strange feeling wasn’t unknown. He knew what it meant. Although life had been pretty torturous for the past few months, this was the moment of realization. He was in love, again. But what if it ended in the same way as before? What if he would again be left alone crying for something that he could never get?

Trying hard to convince himself it was nothing but infatuation, he tried not to think of her anymore during that day. He was otherwise pretty good at controlling his thoughts, but this time he knew he was failing. He also knew why. That smile and that voice kept popping up in his mind till the dispersal. At the dispersal, he was looking out of his bus window when he spotted her walking towards her house lane. He somehow couldn’t help smiling foolishly. All his tension, stress and disappointment vanished just by looking at her comforting smile. That day, on reaching his bus stop, he felt very unusually light, as if something was missing. He realized what he had left. His heart remained somewhere behind, but the loss was just too pleasing this time.

Au revoir

It's always difficult to say goodbye to something you've loved, lived, and are surely going to miss. But all good things have an ending, and it's our job to make it happy and memorable. Sometimes, we may end up living in the past, wishing that it wasn't over that soon. We may never be able to move on. And most importantly, we'll have an emptiness within us, for a very very long time.

I once had to part from my childhood friends, because of my father's work transfer. I cursed my destiny. I felt lost, and missed each one of them. But later, I made even more friends, great friends, to whom I have to say goodbye now.
Kolkata had been a difficult place to settle in, but those difficulties made it memorable. My last session in school, grade 10th, was perhaps one of the most enjoyable years of my life. Earlier, I used to run behind achievements, all sorts of achievements. Only later did I realize, that for true happiness, it's more important to have friends than certificates.

Almost a year ago, I started my journey on one of the most feared years of school life, grade 10. I truly had no idea I would end up having to say goodbye to all my classmates today. Like every other year, there were fights, disagreements, anger, fun, respect and sometimes jealousy. But what was great this year, was the friendship, and the bonding.
Despite all the problems, tension, competition, quarrels etc., if God granted me a wish today, I think I'd want to relive this past year. Thank you all for making it so memorable and so special. Most of you are going to join school tomorrow, while I sit at home, watching several people go home during dispersal. (Yes, I'm unemployed)

Like Gwen Stacy said,

"The future is and should be bright, but,

like our brief years in school,

what makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever,

what makes it precious is that it ends.

I know it feels like we're saying goodbye,

but we will carry a piece of each other into everything that we do next,

to remind us of who we are, and of who we're meant to be. "