Last train home

Station. Platform number 1. Crowded.

I’m waiting for you as the earth waits for the clouds to rain

You, perhaps, can’t notice my thirst or urge to fill myself up with your love

Announcements are being made, and I see crowds vanish into their travels

With every passing minute, with every train leaving the platform, my anxiety increases

Are you even going to come? Was I even supposed to be waiting here?

The sun has set.

Does that also mean it’s dusk for what we had?

Did I keep looking at the sun change sides and not realize it was no longer going to light up my life?

Every girl with your hairstyle, everyone with a voice like yours

Has to suffer my empty stare, hoping that they were you

I am reminded of the day you said what I wanted to hear

Should I not have listened?

Did you just mean to confess but not stay?

Why did you become my home then, pray?

Were we dancing down the aisle of our love’s funeral?

Do not, you must dare not blame me for taking the last train back home.

Even the moon was looking at me with pity, and so were some faces in the crowd

Who had seen me wait hopelessly

Who could see, that had there been trains later that night, I would have waited further

But just because you didn’t turn up, I can’t stay on the platform forever

My forever could have been with you, but you’re choosing otherwise.

I will return home the next evening

And the walls of my heart will carry the shadows of our memories

Unlike us, our memories will stay forever, and die with me

Don’t tell me you were running on the other side of the station hoping to find me in time

It’s not my fault, maybe not yours either

But I know that is how it is supposed to be

My home will never be the same, and neither will my heart

So maybe I’ll find a cage instead, or maybe an open sky

The next time I want to love someone, I won’t even try.

The next time I feel something for you, I will hate myself, my dear.

Goodbye. So much for feeling homesick in the four walls I used to call home.

Station. Platform. Empty.

Heart, filled with the footsteps of those who had been there.

A soft whisper would work

Soft music in the background

Our sweet words in the gentle voices

The moon gracing the sky

The stars in awe of their own alignment

Your hand in my hand would not be

Too much to ask for, will it?

I look at the way you bite your lip before you laugh

Or that little sigh before you say something on a new topic

Or the way you place your index finger on my knee while making a point

And then shyly pull it back, looking at the ground 

Giving me the smile I thought only I possessed

Why do I notice all of this?

And why do I keep falling for you when I see you?

Every time you look into my eyes

Why do you tuck your hair behind your ear 

Or push your spectacles up on your nose

As if to create a distraction for me

So that I don’t drown in your eyes

The blush on your cheeks when I place my hand on your thigh

Or your loss of words when I express my affection

How do I choose what to listen to?

Your silence, or what words others choose for us?

And what word would you choose for me anyway?

What if words restrict me and I restrict my words

How else should I let you know that I love the gap between your sentences

Or that I don’t mind you dragging me in the middle of the night to take a walk

Or that I love it when you lick your lips for the last drop of that fruit juice

Which you drank from that packet till the straw had no life left

How do I just appreciate the moment and not appreciate you?

What makes you think it would be even close to complete without you

I could enjoy the company of the moon, the breeze and the crickets chirping away

But you need to know that on this night, you’re not the cloud, but the silver lining

When you’re not with me

The fight is between me and words to express myself but also to hold something back

I don’t want to be too open or too mysterious

When I’m with you, the fight is between me and time

How do I not let my heart sink when you pull back your hand as you’re about to leave?

How do I wait for the next night?

To see you, notice all of those things about you, and feel intoxicated by the smell of your perfume

If I could carry a piece of you with me all the time, I would.

But till then I can wait and hope

That within me, there would soon be a piece of you

To give me peace and kiss me good night when I’m alone

And when you will be mine, you can reunite

And so will I, with the piece of me I hope to leave behind every night

when those tears fill my eyes as you sing me goodbye

In our dreams

 For the time has come for a temporary goodbye

Aren't all goodbyes temporary, how are you sure

You won't meet in another life?

Tired of waiting doesn't end the story, does it?

Don't let the city of love turn into the city of broken hearts

Find something to cherish, not to lament

If what happened was beautiful

Have faith in the future

It could be better

Why do we start blaming love

The moment attachment brings us to the crossroads

Of choosing between love and peace

Shouldn't we love without regrets?

Whatever road we follow, let's have faith that we'll find our ways

In every morning, with every new start

Our days would be new but we would be the same

The same old humans daring to stay

The directions we're following 

Aren't meant to be opposite forever

There might be oceans and mountains separating us

But we could at least sing the same song while walking

We might be at different stages of our journeys

But even if the river sounds different at its different banks

The water is the same

And when in the evening the sun would set

It would still smile looking at us

And all we could do is imagine each other's smile behind that light

The sun, the moon and the sky is divine

And so is what we have

There's no thing like 'out of sight, out of mind'

We hold, preserve, cherish and let the love blossom

After a good day of moving ahead but not moving on

We would still miss each other

The touch of our fingers intertwined

Your head on my shoulder

My hand on your waist, pulling you closer

Tomorrow will be a new day and

Life and time won't wait

But

Why do we have to shed a tear before we sleep

Let's bump into each other in our dreams

Hindi Poem - Ishq

 Uss chand ki roshni mein uss chand se chehre ki raunak na niharun

Yeh baat dil maan na sake

Yeh toh waisi asadharan chandni hai

Jise badal chah kar bhi dhak na sake

Yeh jo tumhare liye mere dil ki dhadkan tezi se chal rahi hai

Kya koi tarqeeb hai jo ise dheemi kar sakti hai?

Tumhari ungliyon mein ungliyan pherna, tumhari qamar pakadkar chherna

Ya tumhari aankhon mein aankhen daalne se

Sirf ek ijazat ki kami hi mujhe rok sakti hai

Agar woh unkahi seema mai kabhi anjaane mein laanghun

Toh beshaq tumhe ijazat hai ki tu mujhe tok sakti ho

Puchta hun khud se kayi baar, kya hai duniya mein aisa pyaar

Jo mera dil aur mann, aur aane wala kal bhar sakti ho

Maloom hai mujhe ki mera ishq thhora mushkil hai

Par kya koi hai jo mujhse mere jaisa ishq kar sakti ho

That feeling

I cherished that feeling with childish innocence

With the plainness of a drop of water
Feeling it like raindrops
Uncontrolled but directed
Unnoticed and rejected
Like the sunlight that falls on your window
I don’t care whether you treat me with a smile
But I do care about seeing you every morning
Starting my day with yours
And hoping that for one moment of the day
The brightness on your face is because of me.


I am jealous of that flower
The one with which you clicked pictures yesterday
It seems they’re luckier than me
To have been in the same frame as you
I find your necklace vain and stupid
When you wear it, it screams to get attention
But it fails to overpower you
And yet you keep it close to your heart every day.
I am jealous of the shawl that you wear
It gets to keep you warm when it’s not 
I am jealous of the diary that you keep
It gets to listen to your each and every thought

My heart was like the keys you play
That turn those notes into melodies
It feels that you left a little abruptly
What could’ve been a masterpiece.

So today my pen flows like love
And you’re the cap that’s gone missing
I can either write it out and hope that you feel something
Or just wait to let it dry without peace.

Some stories feel like a song
Ours feels like you paused it in the middle
But I’ve realised I have to let this tune go
Because it would hurt too much to love you anymore

What I felt will be buried within these words
Which are mere marks of black ink or black pixels to others
But to you, they should be more than that
Should you allow yourself to feel, and not just read
Maybe what I feel is not in your spectrum
Maybe that’s why our lives are coloured so differently
But maybe instead of running around
You could allow yourself to walk a little
A little slowly, with the breeze hitting your face
I would be jealous of that breeze
But maybe that’s all that you’ll need.

Hindi poem - Tumhari

 तुम्हारी

जिनपर मैं इतनी कविताएं लिखता हूँ

उनसे मैंने एक दिन पूछा

जब तुम अपनी आत्मकथा लिखोगी

क्या उसमे मेरा अध्याय होगा भी

या सिर्फ़ एक पन्ना

क्या उसमें मेरा ज़िक्र सिर्फ़ एक अजनबी की तरह करोगी

या होउंगा मैं कोई अपना

 

जब तुम वही गाने सुनती हो जो हम सुना करते थे

या वही डांस करती हो जैसा हम नाचा करते थे

या वहीं घुमा करती हो जहाँ हम घूमा करते थे

क्या ख़याल आता है तुम्हारे मन में

क्या कुछ भी यादगार किया था मैंने तुम्हारे जीवन में

 

इतने में वह कहती है

"तुम्हे भूल जाने की उम्मीद तो कम है

माना की पुराने हमारे कई सारे ज़ख़्म हैं

लेकिन ज़ख्म का मतलब ये तो नहीं की मुझे अब प्यार नहीं है

तुम्हारे और मेरे बीच में जुड़े कुछ तार नहीं हैं

सुबह सुबह दौड़ने से लेकर रात को सोने जाने तक

दिन में कई बार तुम्हारे नाम का नगमा गुनगुनाती हूँ

तुम्हे देखना चाहिए जब चेहरे के एक कोने से दूसरे कोने तक

मैं होठों से ही नहीं, आँखों से भी मुस्कुराती हूँ"

Hindi poem - Tum

 ज़िन्दगी में आ गई तो क्या ख़ास किया 

रह जाओ तब ना कोई बात हुई 

उसके आने से सवेरा हुआ तो क्या हुआ    

उसके जाने पर तो रात हुई 

तुम्हारा नाम सुनने पर यूं रूह खिल उठती है 

यह अहसास तुम्हे क्या मालूम 

जब झील सामने हो मगर उम्मीद भंग हो 

वैसी प्यास तुम्हे क्या मालूम 

एक दिन यह नक़ाब छोर कर 

दिल और जुबां खुद की तरफ़ मोड़ कर 

पूछना अपने अंतःकरण से तुम यह बात 

क्या यूहीं फीके और अधूरे हैं तुम्हारे जज़्बात 

शायद तुम्हे इतना जानता हूँ कि सच कह सकूँ 

कि तुम नाज़ुक प्रतीत होने से घबराती हो 

तुम चाहो या ना चाहो मैं जानता हूँ 

खुद को तुम मेरा नाम लेकर ही सताती हो 

मीलों दूर थे हम और मैंने तुम्हे छुआ भी नहीं था 

लेकिन आज भी यहीं हूँ, कहीं तुम्हारा दिल जो बदल जाए 

मैंने दिल से पूछा तो उसने बस इतना माँगा 

की तुम्हारे नाम के बाद मेरा उपनाम लग जाए | 

Hindi Poem - Nami

 The first two lines of this poem are inspired by Gulzar's famous lines.

ये जो तेरी आँखों में नमी सी है

इसका कारण मेरी कमी ही है

सच कहने की हिम्मत नहीं

क्योंकि सच से दिल दुःखता है

झूठ से कोई शिकायत नहीं

क्योंकि झूठ कहाँ चुभता है?

 

इस झूठ की कश्मकश में हम कहाँ रुक गए

दिल की ज़िद के सामने हम कहाँ झुक गए?

हमें लगा था अकेले हम बिल्कुल चल ना पाएंगे

किसे पता था तुम्हारे बिन महीने गुज़र जायेंगे

देख हमने अकेले भी क्या क्या करना सीख़ लिया

जो भी फ़ैसला लिया था तूने, अब लगता है ठीक लिया

 

सामने भी आ जाओ तो वो बात कहाँ रहेगी

लगा नहीं था कि तू मेरे साथ ना रहेगी

फिर भी क्यों एक बार तुझे देखने को दिल तरसता है

आँखों का बादल ना जाने क्यों बरसता है

तुम हो या ना हो, कोइ फ़र्क तो नहीं

लगा था मुझे पहले ही, यह कोई तर्क़ तो नहीं

उम्मीद है की फिर तुझसे कभी बात होगी

मेरे लिए तेरे दिल में कोई जज़्बात होगी

उन बातों को कहकर

जज़्बातों को ढहकर

तू फिर से मुस्कुराएगी

तभी तू एक बार और, मेरी कहलाएगी

मैं भी तेरे साथ बेफ़िक्र मुस्कुराउँगा

तेरा था, तेरा हुँ , और तेरा ही कहलाउंगा ||

Hindi Poem - Kahin aur

 मुझे देखकर जो तुम्हारी साँसें रुकी हैं

इनसे पूछना इस प्यार का सच क्या है

ये जो तुम्हारी दिल में ध़ड़कन छुपी है

दुनिया से उस्का कवच क्या है

 

ये मानने से हम क्यूँ घबराते हैं

की हमें भी कभी ज़रूरत होती है

ये जो अनसुनी सी हमारी बातें हैं

इन्हे सुनाने की भी ज़रूरत होती है

ये जो हमारे ख्वाब हमें डराते हैं

उन्हें एक हसीं सपना कोई खास बनाता है

फिर भी हम कहने से कतराते हैं

और इसी डर से वो सपना टूट जाता हैं

 

आखिर सपना ही तो है ये ज़िंदगी

हँसने का, मुस्कुराने का, और यादें भर जाने का

हमारी गलती है की हम इसे बनाते हैं

गिरने का, रुक्ने का, और दिल टूट जाने का

 

लेकिन ये दिल टूट्ना भी क्या होता है

हमारी गलती हमने दिल तुमसे लगाया

सब कुछ पाकर भी इंसान कुछ खोता है

तुमने यही प्यार तो मुझे सिखाया

 

अब वक्त है की इस सीख को लेकर

मै कहीं और सावधानी से दिल लगाऊँ

आखिर तुम भी तो यही चाहती थी

कि मैं किसी और का हो जाऊँ 

Fate or fantasy

 Do we miss what was

or do we miss what could have been

The happiness on my face when I was with you

was the most beautiful thing you could’ve seen

 

Can I please feel the way you make me feel?

One more time, a few more times, probably forever

With the sound of your voice filling the tears in my eyes

Turning nights to forget into nights to remember

 

Do you remember the game that we used to play?

The one where we used to chill and say

Whatever, whatever was going inside our mind

Things that would get us into trouble if others might find

 

Do you remember the song that you had sent?

With lyrics that captured your love and I’d guessed that’s what it meant

Whenever they play it, it’s surely not the song I dance to

But my heart skips a beat somewhere, do you feel it too?

 

Sometimes I question whether all of that was real

If it was, then where is the person that made me feel that way?

Where is that girl who took my heart and painted it pink, red and teal

Can you please return that girl to me, to her I have a lot to say

 

They ask me, how do I, with a broken heart, keep that hope

How do I manage myself hanging to the weakest strings of the rope

All I say is that I had found that special friend

The friend of a lifetime, the relationship I can’t end

 

Till today from the first time I saw you in blue

I’ve loved you and won’t leave you until you do

Maybe all that’s left is a fantasy, and none of it is true

So the day that you move on, I will too

 

But as long as you hold on, I will hold on tighter

Carry your feelings on my shoulder, and still feel lighter

If I’m foolish and hopeless, they can have a laugh

But I know, within her silence amidst their laughter,

I had found my better half.